today i got into a conversation with a coworker that had me intrigued to say the least.  the gist of the conversation was regarding our true natures.

now normally I’d describe myself as fairly non-confrontational (unless really provoked), sappy at times, happy, and i dunno…just how a normal person would see themselves i suppose.  i try to be a good person, volunteer my time and work, take pleasure in comforting others and being a loyal friend.  my beliefs are against torture, violence or abuse of any kind and i take solace in tending to my animals lovingly.  i have often been enraged hearing about animal abuse or innocent people being victims of some senseless tragedy.

at any rate, I’d like to think or rather i rationally think that if left in the wild with nothing to eat, i couldn’t bring myself to kill an innocent animal for food…but rather live off the earth and have vegetation provide me the sustenance i need.  the interesting thing is…that I’m not a violent person usually but there are some things that override my rational mind and overwhelm my emotions.  take for example the video on youtube showing a marine throwing an innocent crying puppy off a cliff.  if you haven’t seen this aberration of a video click here.  i warn you…it’s NOT for animal lovers or people with delicate sensibilities.  it’s graphic, might be real and extremely upsetting.

ok so after i had seen this video (i sincerely hope that video is FAKE), i was so upset and enraged.  my emotions were swirling with rage and hoping that a bullet had somehow found its way to his head.  i knew that if i had ever encountered that kind of bullshit, instead of doing what law-abiding mild-mannered citizens would do and calling the cops or the ASPCA, i would rip that guys eyes out and give him a taste of what pain that animal probably went through.

the funny thing is…should i feel some sense of guilt about saying or feeling that way?  if that is truly how i feel when every emotion in my body completely overrides my mind, isn’t it possible that instinct could too?  let’s say i was stranded somewhere with no food.  would my instinct take over so much to the point where i could hunt for my food and not feel remorse or guilt?  after all, survival of the strongest is the only rule in nature…but as humans i thought we were somehow elevated above that.  apparently not.

this conversation, needless to say, made me think about human nature and perhaps how we have been egotistic as a species in thinking that we are so much better than animals.  you see two dogs fighting over a toy and think to yourself ‘i’m so much better than that.  i wouldn’t do that because I’m human and because i could rationally reason the situation out.’  but is that always true?  I’m not so sure anymore.

Hokay so after much wrestling with trying desperately to find a fucking banner to fit my page and failing miserably, i’ve decided to let things be and start writing as I had planned to do with this thing anyways.

ok so you’ll have to pardon my lack of capitalization….you see i do nothing but type code day-in day-out at my job so typing tends to get a little lazy.  hope it doesn’t offend your fragile sensibilities.

firstly i guess i should introduce myself.  i’m 24 years old and turning 25 in october (yay being halfway to 50!  woo!).  i used to live near NYC but i’ve made myself at home to save money while i still work in the city.  paying $2000+ for apartments is never fun.  i’m a web-designer and graphic-designer and i’m hoping to own my own business someday.  i’ve been single for a year after breaking up with my significant other (he’s a sweetheart and we’re still incredibly close).  apparently my traditional, conservative indian parents weren’t thrilled when i showed up with an italian-irish hybrid to their home.  i have 2 dogs named kassi and indy.  not that you care, but kassi is a german shepherd - siberian husky mix while indy is a mix of god knows what.

i decided to start writing this journal since there are just too many things that i’m either thinking about in a day or WAY too many things to get pissed off about and keep inside of my already strung-out brain.  i hope to keep this journal alive as so many others have died.  stay tuned for photos and other fun stuff!